“The Boss” had to be carried home from the park that day…

Hey, everybody.  Jenn here.

As Brian mentioned on Friday, we sat down with Sid for some peace talks and as a result we’ve regained partial control of Pug Slope.  Sid gets to keep his crop of carrots, and his spooky handsome giant visage will continue to leer stare lovingly at you from the masthead, but the Pug Slope name flies high once again.  But that doesn’t mean this is the end of Planet Cool Sid.  As part of our negotiations, we’ve given Sid a weekly “Planet Cool Sid” column in exchange for all of his online shopping passwords.

So, in light of our recent success, Brian and I decided we deserved a night out on the town to celebrate.  We got all dolled up and headed out to attend a celebration of Gertrude Stein’s Paris at the SymphonySpace way way way up on the Upper West Side of Manhattan.

We got great seats, and after enjoying Stravinsky’s music for the Ballet Russes and some readings of short works by Ernest Hemingway, F. Scott Fitzgerald, and Langston Hughes, it was finally time for some jazz – the main attraction, for us.

And just as the jazz band started playing, I stupidly decided to check the Sid Cam, just to see what ol’ Sid was up to.

Now, we check on Sid using our web cam all the time while we’re out.  Occasionally we’ll see him sleeping in his bed, but most of the time he’s not even on screen because he’s cuddled up in our bed in the other room.

Yet, this is what he was doing when I checked in on him while we were out on Saturday night (I think the images – screenshots from my iPhone – will speak for themselves):

At this point I’m remembering that there’s a GIANT naval orange on that shelf…

Yup.

And then, around 9:57PM, he rolled the orange off camera towards our bedroom and never came back…

So, needless to say, our night was ruined.  True, dogs can conceivably eat oranges in moderation, but this orange was HUGE and for all we knew he was chomping it into a pulpy mess on our bed.  Since we were no longer able to enjoy the music without worrying about the mayhem that was happening back at our place, we called it a night and got on the train back to Park Slope.

Here’s what we found when we got home:

So, last night, my ‘rents informed me that they were going to take away my blog-posting privileges and replace my super awesome “Planet Cool Sid” banner with the LAME regular PugSlope one.

I didn’t respond to well to this news…

After the PILLOW HEAVING and PILLOW THRASHING, I ran to the couch for some good ol’-fashioned PILLOW HEAD-BUTTING…

Well, after seeing how upset I was about this news, my rents said maybe we could “discuss the matter further” (Yeah, they actually talk like that. I know!)

After a LENGTHY discussion, we came up a compromise. More about that on MONDAY…

Oh yeah, I almost forgot – CONGRATS to all of my fellow East Coast pugs that are going to be a part of the 1000pugs NY/NJ photo shoot. I can’t wait to meet some of you in the fur! My gf, Timothy Buttons, signed up, too! Wooo hooo!

Hope you all have a great weekend!

Okay, so, I was layin’ in my snuggle bed this morning, and while I was layin’ there I was thinking that it’s been, like, what, A WEEK since my awesome Mr. Chewy box arrived? And there hasn’t been a single box since.  Unacceptable!

And, then, just like THAT, Planet Cool Sid’s buzzer buzzed and a delivery man was handing my mom a NEW BOX.

Okay, this box was not as gigantic as the Mr. Chewy box, so that was a little disappointing.

BUT.

Right on the outside of this box, there were some words that said MAY CONTAIN AWESOME and then some other words that said NEWEGG.

Okay, here’s what I know about New Eggs: supposedly they’re delicious but I’m not allowed to eat them because they’re somehow related to the chickens and I’m allergic to the chickens.  BUT!  Ducks also lay eggs and I am allowed to eat ducks so maybe I could eat some eggs if they were duck eggs.  And since these eggs are new, that means they’re not old, which means they’re better than old eggs because they’re not rotten or whatever.

And here’s what I know about Awesome: IT’S AWESOME.

So, I was all like “Mom! Open the box! Open the box, Mom! MAHM! OPEN THE BOX!”

And Mom was all like, “As you wish, Master. Let me feed you a bag of treats first.”

So, Mom opened the box.

AND GET THIS.

Apparently NewEgg is the name of some company that has NOTHING TO DO with actual eggs.  They sell electronics, for pug’s sake!  And apparently AWESOME to this NewEgg place means 1TB hard drives for my Mom’s photo library.

MAY CONTAIN AWFUL is more like it.

Yes, they’re one terabyte, yet THEY’RE NOT EVEN REMOTELY BITE-ABLE.  Trust me, I tried.

Stupid homonyms.

Mom says she had to order these because all the photos she takes of me are taking over the hard drive on her computer, so in a way they’re a gift to me because it means she can continue to take more and more and more photos of me forever and ever and ever because apparently a terabyte is a really, really, really big byte that you can’t actually chew.  I guess that’s good, because I like when you guys can see my handsomeness, but that doesn’t mean I’m not incredibly disappointed by all of this misleading terminology.

Get these things away from me.

So, my Mom and Dad are always complaining.  Complain, complain, complain.  Sid, your food is soooo expensive.  Sid, your food is soooooo heavy to carry home from the pet store that’s two blocks away because we don’t have a car anymore because we decided to transport you to Brooklyn (I <3 BK!).  Sid, they’re always out of the only pre-packaged treats that you’re allowed to eat because you’re allergic to everything and we get soooo annoyed when your allergies flare up!

Well, hellooooo Mr. Chewy.

I went to Mr. Chewy’s website after I received his email, and I followed Noodles’ instructions and searched for venison treats.  OMG, you guys, Mr. Chewy had way more venison treats than they have down the street.  He also had duck treats, and my mom told me in her sleep one night that I’m allowed to eat duck (I asked her while she was sound asleep and she went “meayurusghsSHRHSARG” or something, which means YES).  And on top of just having venison treats and duck treats, he also had venison treats and duck treats that were GRAIN-FREE.  And, because I like blueberries and carrots so much, I searched for vegetarian treats, and he had those too! Grain free for super-cool bubble-pugs like me!  He even had my healthy mealtime food – Dick Van Patten’s Natural Balance Limited Ingredient Venison and Sweet Potato uber-delicious dry dog food – for way less than my parents pay when they have to schlep the 15 pound bag home on Dad’s back.

So, I placed an order, and TWO DAYS LATER the giant box arrived!  Holla!

Mom and Dad let me open the box myself, which was super cool.  Mr. Chewy threw in all of this awesome brown thrashing-around paper for free! (Jenn here – thank you, Mr. Chewy, for using pug-friendly packing materials!  There’s nothing worse than having to pull styrofoam peanuts from Sid’s iron jaw)

LOOK AT ALL OF THE TREATS I GOT:

The box in the background is Dad’s cereal.  Everyday I ask him to feed me some, and everyday he says no.  BUT WHO CARES?!?! LOOK AT ALL OF THOSE TREATS!  Didn’t I do an amazing job picking out tons of awesome yummy yum yums to eat?  If all of my pug friends out there were at Planet Cool Sid right now, I’d totally take ONE treat from each bag, place those four treats in a pile, and split that pile of treats amongst all of you.  I’m such a cool, generous guy.

Oh, and also in the box:

GIANT BAG! GIANT BAG! GIANT BAG OF FOOD!

Woo-hoo!!  I love Mr. Chewy! (Jenn here, again.  Um, yeah, Mr. Chewy’s prices and service were awesome.  Of course, we don’t have a car and we’re the type of people who order our groceries online, so, although this has resulted in a Coup de Pug here at Pug Slope – I mean, Planet Cool Sid – we’re totally on board with Mr. Chewy.  Back to Sid.)

Now, a word of advice from the ruler of Planet Cool Sid.  When welcoming a box full of new yummy yums into your house, it’s important that you make them feel welcome before you eat them.

Pose for stately portraits with them:

Listen to their problems:

And if you find yourself really smitten with one of your new friends, don’t hesitate to spend some time together staring off into the distance.

That’s all for now!  XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO, Sid!

GREETINGS AWESOME PUGS  AND ALMOST-AS-AWESOME-AS-PUGS OTHER DOGS AND NOWHERE-NEAR-AS-AWESOME-AS-PUGS-ONLY-BECAUSE-I’M-ALLERGIC-TO-YOU-AND-I-DON’T-UNDERSTAND-WHAT-YOU-ARE CATS AND LOWEST-ON-THE-TOTEM-POLE HUMANS.

Pug Slope is now PLANET COOL SID, the coolest blog ever because I’m the coolest and I’m in charge now and my mom and dad are totally going to wish they fed me a treat all those times that I sat loudly in front of the fridge and shifted my eyes up to where they keep my food to make it OBVIOUS that I was in need of TREATS and they JUST IGNORED ME. From now on ACK! GO AWAY, PIGEON!  ACKACKACKPIGEONRARRR!

(Hey, everybody – Jenn, here.  While Sid is distracted by a pigeon on our fire escape, I want to take this opportunity to apologize for all of…this.  We’re doing our best to get things back to normal, but whenever we speak up Sid reminds us that he knows how to shop online which means that he’s in charge now so I better just keep typing up what he wants to say OR ELSE.  Oh, God!  He’s ba- )

AHEM.

I run this show now so everything you see on here is going to be cool, like my cool face, or my cool potato toy, or my cool baby carrots that I put in my cool new masthead… I always thought baby carrots were the coolest treats and then venison jerky was the next coolest, but then I got an email from this dude who wanted to give me free stuff and Noodles taught me how to shop online and HOLY MOLEY why have my parents been holding out on me?  I mean, I like the venison jerky bits that I get when I do things like shake or Jimmy or sit loudly, but what the heck!  There are soooo many other Venison treats out there that I didn’t even know about!!!!

Mr. Chewy, if you’re looking for a new place to hang, look no further.  You’re welcome on Planet Cool Sid anytime.

In fact, after I make Mom and Dad feed me my brunch (new daily meal regimen: pre-breakfast, breakfast, brunch, lunch, dinner, supper, midnight snack, 3am snack), I’m gonna have Mom help me type another post for today is going to be all about how cool Mr. Chewy is and I will FINALLY show you what was in the box.

Mommy, you look so pretty today.  Can you stop typing now and give me three treats, please?  Are you typing that? Mom, stop typing and give me treats!!

It’s been a long night, people.  Brian and I spent the night turning the Pug Slope Headquarters upside down in search for a clue on the sender of Sid’s mystery box, while Sid patiently waited for us to open said box tried out a number of methods for opening the box with little success.

Watch as Sid…

deploys the Standing-Jimmy Jedi Mind Trick…

harnesses the power of thought to convert himself into a solvent which will be passed through the semi-permeable membrane of the cardboard box, aka psychokinetic pugmosis…

and finally resorts to brute force, squeezing and squeezing with all his might in an attempt to burst the box open at its seams with his bare paws.

****

While Sid was busy giving himself a hernia, we found three clues on my computer that confirmed our biggest fear.

1.  An email addressed to Sid, sent from one Mr. Chewy, proprietor of an online pet supply store, offering free goodies to the canine resident of Pug Slope in exchange for a review of their service.

2.  A bookmarked blog post written by one NOODLES LADY LIBERTY of A Bowl of Noodles fame, in which the process for ordering TREATS and FOOD from Mr. Chewy is outlined IN DETAIL including illustrative PHOTOS for various steps and a glowing review of the online shopping experience.

3.  A PDF receipt of a Mr. Chewy’s order placed just TWO DAYS before the mystery box arrived.

Sigh.

It looks like our days in power are over, people.  The pug is rising.  Behold, our new ruler:

“THIS IS ONE SMALL STEP FOR A PUG, ONE GIANT LEAP FOR PUGKIND” – Siddhartha Lamont, April 23rd 2012

Tune in tomorrow to see Sid unpack the contents of the box that changed the world.