Seriously, guys. WHAT THE PUG. 

I wake up last Monday. No breakfast. My Mom takes me over to the vet’s and LEAVES ME THERE. The next 5-6 hours are hazy, but I know it wasn’t fun because I was at THE VET. Next thing I know, my breath is fresh, but I’m missing a tooth and, like, 15 warts have been removed from my face and my mouth.

Then, on Thursday, SAME THING, but worse! I wake up. No breakfast! Mom AND dad take me to see this new vet – a dermatologist – AND THEY LEAVE ME THERE. AGAIN! And, again, the next 5-6 hours are hazy, but instead of waking up without a tooth, I wake up with a big weirdo bald patch on my side and a whole bunch of marker marks on my skin. THAT’S RIGHT. THIS “VET” SHAVED MY GLORIOUS FUR AND WROTE ON ME WITH A MARKER.

Look away!  I’m hideous!

Mom and Dad say that this is all for the greater good, so that I can stop taking prednisone to manage my allergies. I guess the prednisone made my imune system too weak to fight back against the wart virus, and then the wart virus was all like “WOO-HOO! IMMUNE SYSTEM’S OUT OF TOWN!” and invited his friends over for a pool party on my face, which was fine, but then some warts from the wrong side of the tracks came by and started to party on the roof of my mouth, and they brought along their creepy older cousins who started getting up to no good back by my esophagus, and the next thing I knew I was getting all wheezy and slobbery because this pool party turned into an all-night rager and it was time for Mom and Dad to call the cops (metaphorically speaking).

Stupid warts.

Mom and Dad are all like, “Listen, Master Cool Sid, now that the vet shaved your glorious fur and wrote on you with permanent marker, we know everything that you’re allergic to. FYI – you’re allergic to all the things. We’re going to take ALL OF THE STUFF THAT YOU’RE ALLERGIC TO (again, all the things) and INJECT THEM INTO YOUR BODY twice a week using a giant syringe, and, since we all apparently live in Opposite World, injecting ALL THE THINGS directly into your body will magically cure you of all your allergies.”

And then they’re like, “OH, AND BY THE WAY, THIS ALL COST, LIKE, A GAZILLION DOLLARS.  WE PAID FOR IT BY EMPTYING OUT YOUR TREAT FUND. KAYTHANXBYE!!”

WHAT. THE. PUG.

Um, hey, everybody. Jenn, here. Sid’s in the corner hyperventilating into a paper bag, so I’m going to take over this post for a second.  

So, these procedures didn’t quite cost a gazillion dollars, but they did hit us hard. Monady’s teeth cleaning / wart removal extravaganza was $750, and then Thursday’s skin allergy testing – including sedation, various prescriptions, and the first supply of shots – was just under $1,550. That’s $2,300 in one week!  We adopted Sid when he was 3 years old; his allergies and a host of other issues had already been diagnosed, so insurance wasn’t an option, and it wouldn’t have covered the bulk of this even if we had it.

We wish we could’ve waited to do these procedures after we’d had a chance to recover from our recent move, but the warts were growing in places where they were starting to obstruct his breathing and swallowing. After almost a year of dealing with these warts popping up in exponentially larger numbers, it’s become pretty clear that he wasn’t going to be able to fight back against the Canine Papilloma Virus until he was off the prednisone, and the only way to get him off of the prednisone was to get him on started on allergy shots.  

In the long run, if the allergy shots work, this is definitely for the best, since long-term use of prednisone can cause a whole host of other problems down the line. But we definitely weren’t prepared to be dropping that much money on our little guy in one week. You do what you’ve gotta do, right? We love this pug more than anything, and we want to make sure he has a long, healthy, happy–

BLAH, BLAH, BLAH.  BUT WHAT ABOUT THE IMMEDIATE IMPACT ON MY TREAT FUND?!

Listen, guys, I’ve only got, like, half a bag of treats left. We need to find a way to replenish my treat fund, pronto.

You’ll notice a new little widget on the right side of the blog. That’s my treat jar. Right now it’s bone dry. My goal is raise $2,300, so my treat jar is right back to where it started. That way my Mom and Dad won’t be so stressed and they can focus on important things, like buying me treats and then feeding those treats to me.

Mom and Dad were like, “Sid, this plan is crazy,” but I said, “I’m a pug who can order his own food online and use photoshop, and I have a sassy girlfriend named Timothy whose tongue doesn’t fit in her mouth. Crazy is my middle name.”

Smooches

And they were like, “You’re totally right, Sid. Why do we ever doubt you,” and then they tried to give me a whole bunch of treats and I was like, “NO! WE MUST RATION THE TREATS UNTIL THE TREAT FUND HAS BEEN REPLENISHED!! RIGHT NOW I SHALL ONLY EAT FOUR.”

And they were so touched and moved by my gesture of sacrifice, they helped me come up with a whole bunch of cool things that we can give to our friends who help replenish my treat fund.  BOOM.

Here’s what you’ll get if you make a contribution:

$10.00:

• A special thank-you on the blog

$25.00:

• Planet Cool Sid desktop wallpaper for your computer
• A special thank-you on the blog

$50.00:

• Sid Solves Your Problem – Submit a question to be included in my new Planet Cool Sid advice column.  I can answer questions about anything and everything! I KNOW IT ALL. MY INPUT IS PRICELESS.
• Planet Cool Sid desktop wallpaper
• A special thank-you on the blog

$100.00:

• A limited edition print of my Dad’s awesome painting of me wearing my aviator hat
• Plus all the stuff listed above!

$150.00:

• For those of you who are dogs: a Sid’s Picks Combo Pack featuring your very own confidence shirt and potato toy!
• Or, for those of you who are humans: your very own set of Pug Slope note cards!
• Plus all the stuff listed above!

$200.00:

• Here’s where it gets crazy, guys.  A special VIP access code for the PugSlope.com Treat-bone Live-Cam, good through the end of 2012.  Log in every weekday between 1pm and 2pm ET to see me chillin’ like a villain with my peanut-butter-filled Kong bone. It’s gonna be EPIC.
• Plus all the stuff listed above!  That’s a lot of stuff!

Awesome, right?!  Now, I’ve been doing some Googling while I’ve been stuck inside waiting for my hair patch to grow back, and apparently a bunch of small donations are just as valuable as a few big donations – they call that “math.” So, tell your friends. Tell your family. Tell your neighbors and your doctors and your mailmen. Tell your arch nemeses. Tell them to tell their arch nemeses. Every little bit will help get my treat fund back on track.

And, I just wanted to say THANK YOU again for all of your love and support and good juju over the past few weeks. Mom and Dad are trying their best to keep me wart-free and allergy-free AND prednisone-free, and so far things are looking good.

Love from the coolest planet in Brooklyn,

Sid (and Jenn and Brian)