Posts Tagged ‘Guide to Living’

Planet Cool Sid’s Guide to Living: CELEBRITIES

Tuesday, October 16th, 2012

Okay, everybody, listen up.  This is New York City.  And in New York City, you gotta know how to be COOL around people who are famous for doing all sorts of awesome things.  These famous people are called CELEBRITIES, and when you see a celebrity, you’re gonna want to take a photo with them because it’s sooooo exciting to see a celebrity, but it’s soooo NOT COOL to ask a celebrity to take a photo with you.  Here’s how taking photos with celebrities works on PLANET COOL SID.

1.  Stumble upon a celebrity.  OMG OMG OMG LOOK MOM IT’S PUGLET FROM THE DAILY PUGLET!!!!!

 2.  Tell your parents to get the camera ready, and then nonchalantly sit as close to the celebrity as possible without actually making eye contact with the celebrity.  Can you sit under the celebrity?  Even better!

 3.   Smile for the camera!!

Ta-da!!!  Now you have a SUPER COOL photo of your and your new best friend [INSERT CELEBRITY’S NAME HERE]!  Pass it around at cocktail parties for a great conversation starter!! Post on your Facebook page to make Mr. Pickles jealous!!  Stare at intensely when your self-esteem is feeling low and daydream that you’re in an awesome buddy cop movie together!!!  IT’S SO COOL TO BE COOL!!!

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Planet Cool Sid’s Guide To…KONGS!

Friday, August 17th, 2012

Well, hello there!  Wow!  Welcome, everybody, to Planet Cool Sid’s Guide to Living!  On today’s show, we’re going to talk about KONGS!

KING KONG (HAHAHA – I’M HILARIOUS!!)

We all love our Kongs, right?!  I know I do!  But, have you ever gotten a Kong toy stuffed with peanut butter and carrot bits and you spend, like, twenty minutes enjoying its yummyness but then its EMPTY and as much as you bark at it, no more yums appear inside it, so you just give up and sulk in the corner with some second-rate squeaker toy that isn’t even edible and whose lack of flavor makes you curse the universe that we live in??  Yeah, me too, my friends. Me too.

Stupid Empty Kong

Well, guess what?

That Kong that you love?  It’s actually EVIL.  Sometimes, even though your Kong looks empty, it’s actually still filled with microscopic morsels of peanut buttery goodness that it’s decided to keep for its own selfish gain.  Here’s how to make sure you get every last bit of tasty goop from your Kong nemeses.

Step 1:  Study your Kong from afar.  Get to know its shape, its color, how it spends its alone time, where it hides its secrets.

Look into its soul.

Step 2:  Use the information you’ve learned in Step 1 to weasel your way into your Kong’s circle of trust.  Remember the old adage, keep your friends close and your enemies closer?  Well, I’m not totally sure that applies to this situation, but it’s the only adage I know so let’s pretend it does.

You can trust me, Kong.  I’m on your side.

Step 3: The Interrogation.  You can probably reveal your true identity and motives at this point, as well.  That’s what they do in the Batman movies, anyway.

Where are you hiding the last of the peanut butter, Kong?  

WHERE ARE YOU HIDING THE PEANUT BUTTER!!

Step 4:  If your Kong is anything like my Kong, it probably won’t talk.  Just stick the whole Kong in your mouth for a while until it frees those last bits of peanut butter from its dungeon of evil.

NOM-NOM-YUM-NOM-NOM-OOH-THAT’TH GOOD-NOM-NOM

Nom-slurp-nom Thtep Four can take hourth, but it’th worth every thecond!

That’th it for thith week’th Planet Cool Thid’th Guide to Living Nom-nom.  I’m your hotht, Thidartha Lamont.  From all of uth here at Pug Thlope, thankth for watching, and remember, nom-nom-nom, there’th no thuch thing ath an empty Kong!  Vive le Pug!

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