Okay, guys, so yesterday’s special post was all about how cool I am, and I think we all agree that I am indeed very cool.  But, just in case there’s still any doubters out there, here’s one more photo of me being cool:

ICE COLD

Today’s favorite posts are all about something ELSE that’s cool, and the cool thing that I’m referring to is TUPPERWARE.

First, we have OPERATION TUPPERWARE, or, as I like to call it, OPERATION SID’S NOT STUPID.  My parents think they’re all slick because they set up a secret camera to spy on me when they leave the house, but little do they know that I’M TOTALLY AWARE OF THE CAMERA because in addition to being cool, I’m also always around and I can totally see what they’re doing and hear what they’re talking about, so, DUH, of course I know I’m being filmed.  DUHHHH!  And like some stupid camera is going to stop me from checking out the Tupperware shelf.  COME ON!

I mean, normally when they’re filming me, they WANT me to do something awesome like herd the Tupperware.  Like, in this post, when I scaled the Tupperware shelves like a sherpa. (Did you know that a sherpa isn’t just a bag/house for traveling dogs, but also a person who helps rich and/or adventurous humans climb mountains?  IT’S TRUE!)  They don’t even try to stop me from climbing the shelves in this video, which means they totally approve of everything I ever do, EVER!

And then we have this awesome post in which I use my renegade skills for the good of society, monitoring the Tupperware stash for my oh-so-busy parents.  I picked this post because there’s something else super special about it – not to get all mushy-mushy-goo-goo, but it’s the very first time my good friend Payton commented on my blog, and Payton was up there with Tupperware in terms of coolness.  For real.

OH MY PUG, I’M BACK AGAIN.

And all it took was me forging a letter from the Pug Slope Headquarter’s landlord saying that the rent was going up a bazillion dollars a month, and then convincing Mom and Dad to just find a new headquarters rather than negotiate with “the landlord,” and then making a deal with some guy on the Internet to rent Mom and Dad a slightly better apartment that’s only a half a bazillion dollars more than our current place, BUT MY MASTER PLAN WORKED.  Now they’re all occupied with packing all the stupid stuff in the house that you can’t even eat (WHO CARES ABOUT BOOKS?!?) into stupid empty boxes, and I AM ONCE AGAIN THE MASTER OF THE BLOG.

BEHOLD, the secret lair from which I write this post:

BWAAHAHAHAHA!

Serves them right.  Mom and Dad totally promised I’d get a weekly Planet Cool Sid post back when they overturned the actual PLANET COOL SID, and they totally didn’t follow through on their end of the bargain.  I did one AWESOME video, and then what?  Nothing!

But, whatever, I’m here now.  I don’t really have a lot of new stuff to say because my parents are all busy packing for this totally necessary (wink-wink) move instead of helping me do the awesome things that I normally do to get all my great blog material, so I’m gonna repost some of my favorite posts that they wrote from way back when.

My first pick: THE VERY FIRST PUG SLOPE POST EVER!!!!

(For those of you who need help with the Internet (cough, Grammy Grace, cough), you can click on “THE VERY FIRST PUG SLOPE POST EVER!!!” and it will take you to the very first Pug Slope post ever. I LOVE YOU, GRAMMY GRACE!)

Awesomely titled, “Sid is Cool,” this was the very first post my dad ever put up on the blog. I picked this post for a few reasons:

1)  I think I look pretty cool and confident in that photo.  Obviously.

2) The whole post is about how cool I am, AND I DIDN’T EVEN WRITE IT!!

3) Dad let me put a comment up there (under the secret code name “admin”) and then we got another comment FROM A VAMPIRE! (Don’t be scared, we know him)

4) Seriously, it’s called “Sid is Cool.”

COOL SID’S BACK, ALRIGHT!

Okay, so the other day this tiny box arrived at the main command outpost of PLANET COOL SID (Hey, guys.  It’s Jenn.  He means the Pug Slope Headquarters.  Sigh…) and the tiny box was all like, “You!  Yeah, you!  I’m talkin’ to YOU, flat face!  I’m not gonna let you sniff around on top of the space food preparation unit (he’s referring to the kitchen island…) anymore because I’m a tiny box and I’M GOING TO TAKE OVER THE UNIVERSE,” and I was all like, “Oh, yeah?  OH YEAH? Let me show YOU who’s boss!” and then there was an EPIC SPACE BATTLE in which I was Han Solo and the tiny box was Pizza the Hut (Jenn again…I tried explaining to him that Star Wars and Spaceballs are not the same movie… ) and I made my mom videotape it with her iPad, but then when I wanted to put it on YouTube she was all like, “Come on, Sid, I gotta do work work work on my laptop right now.  I don’t have time for this silliness,” and I was all like, “But I’ll give you a back rub” (…???!?!…) and then she was all like, “No, don’t worry about it.  Just make sure you eat these treats because putting videos on YouTube is much harder work than the work that your daddy and I do.  We love you SO MUCH and just want to make sure you are NEVER EVER EVER HUNGRY,” and I was all like, “Thanks, Mom,” and then I put the video up on YouTube:

Hey, everybody.  Jenn here.

As Brian mentioned on Friday, we sat down with Sid for some peace talks and as a result we’ve regained partial control of Pug Slope.  Sid gets to keep his crop of carrots, and his spooky handsome giant visage will continue to leer stare lovingly at you from the masthead, but the Pug Slope name flies high once again.  But that doesn’t mean this is the end of Planet Cool Sid.  As part of our negotiations, we’ve given Sid a weekly “Planet Cool Sid” column in exchange for all of his online shopping passwords.

So, in light of our recent success, Brian and I decided we deserved a night out on the town to celebrate.  We got all dolled up and headed out to attend a celebration of Gertrude Stein’s Paris at the SymphonySpace way way way up on the Upper West Side of Manhattan.

We got great seats, and after enjoying Stravinsky’s music for the Ballet Russes and some readings of short works by Ernest Hemingway, F. Scott Fitzgerald, and Langston Hughes, it was finally time for some jazz – the main attraction, for us.

And just as the jazz band started playing, I stupidly decided to check the Sid Cam, just to see what ol’ Sid was up to.

Now, we check on Sid using our web cam all the time while we’re out.  Occasionally we’ll see him sleeping in his bed, but most of the time he’s not even on screen because he’s cuddled up in our bed in the other room.

Yet, this is what he was doing when I checked in on him while we were out on Saturday night (I think the images – screenshots from my iPhone – will speak for themselves):

At this point I’m remembering that there’s a GIANT naval orange on that shelf…

Yup.

And then, around 9:57PM, he rolled the orange off camera towards our bedroom and never came back…

So, needless to say, our night was ruined.  True, dogs can conceivably eat oranges in moderation, but this orange was HUGE and for all we knew he was chomping it into a pulpy mess on our bed.  Since we were no longer able to enjoy the music without worrying about the mayhem that was happening back at our place, we called it a night and got on the train back to Park Slope.

Here’s what we found when we got home:

So, last night, my ‘rents informed me that they were going to take away my blog-posting privileges and replace my super awesome “Planet Cool Sid” banner with the LAME regular PugSlope one.

I didn’t respond to well to this news…

After the PILLOW HEAVING and PILLOW THRASHING, I ran to the couch for some good ol’-fashioned PILLOW HEAD-BUTTING…

Well, after seeing how upset I was about this news, my rents said maybe we could “discuss the matter further” (Yeah, they actually talk like that. I know!)

After a LENGTHY discussion, we came up a compromise. More about that on MONDAY…

Oh yeah, I almost forgot – CONGRATS to all of my fellow East Coast pugs that are going to be a part of the 1000pugs NY/NJ photo shoot. I can’t wait to meet some of you in the fur! My gf, Timothy Buttons, signed up, too! Wooo hooo!

Hope you all have a great weekend!

Okay, so, I was layin’ in my snuggle bed this morning, and while I was layin’ there I was thinking that it’s been, like, what, A WEEK since my awesome Mr. Chewy box arrived? And there hasn’t been a single box since.  Unacceptable!

And, then, just like THAT, Planet Cool Sid’s buzzer buzzed and a delivery man was handing my mom a NEW BOX.

Okay, this box was not as gigantic as the Mr. Chewy box, so that was a little disappointing.

BUT.

Right on the outside of this box, there were some words that said MAY CONTAIN AWESOME and then some other words that said NEWEGG.

Okay, here’s what I know about New Eggs: supposedly they’re delicious but I’m not allowed to eat them because they’re somehow related to the chickens and I’m allergic to the chickens.  BUT!  Ducks also lay eggs and I am allowed to eat ducks so maybe I could eat some eggs if they were duck eggs.  And since these eggs are new, that means they’re not old, which means they’re better than old eggs because they’re not rotten or whatever.

And here’s what I know about Awesome: IT’S AWESOME.

So, I was all like “Mom! Open the box! Open the box, Mom! MAHM! OPEN THE BOX!”

And Mom was all like, “As you wish, Master. Let me feed you a bag of treats first.”

So, Mom opened the box.

AND GET THIS.

Apparently NewEgg is the name of some company that has NOTHING TO DO with actual eggs.  They sell electronics, for pug’s sake!  And apparently AWESOME to this NewEgg place means 1TB hard drives for my Mom’s photo library.

MAY CONTAIN AWFUL is more like it.

Yes, they’re one terabyte, yet THEY’RE NOT EVEN REMOTELY BITE-ABLE.  Trust me, I tried.

Stupid homonyms.

Mom says she had to order these because all the photos she takes of me are taking over the hard drive on her computer, so in a way they’re a gift to me because it means she can continue to take more and more and more photos of me forever and ever and ever because apparently a terabyte is a really, really, really big byte that you can’t actually chew.  I guess that’s good, because I like when you guys can see my handsomeness, but that doesn’t mean I’m not incredibly disappointed by all of this misleading terminology.

Get these things away from me.

So, my Mom and Dad are always complaining.  Complain, complain, complain.  Sid, your food is soooo expensive.  Sid, your food is soooooo heavy to carry home from the pet store that’s two blocks away because we don’t have a car anymore because we decided to transport you to Brooklyn (I <3 BK!).  Sid, they’re always out of the only pre-packaged treats that you’re allowed to eat because you’re allergic to everything and we get soooo annoyed when your allergies flare up!

Well, hellooooo Mr. Chewy.

I went to Mr. Chewy’s website after I received his email, and I followed Noodles’ instructions and searched for venison treats.  OMG, you guys, Mr. Chewy had way more venison treats than they have down the street.  He also had duck treats, and my mom told me in her sleep one night that I’m allowed to eat duck (I asked her while she was sound asleep and she went “meayurusghsSHRHSARG” or something, which means YES).  And on top of just having venison treats and duck treats, he also had venison treats and duck treats that were GRAIN-FREE.  And, because I like blueberries and carrots so much, I searched for vegetarian treats, and he had those too! Grain free for super-cool bubble-pugs like me!  He even had my healthy mealtime food – Dick Van Patten’s Natural Balance Limited Ingredient Venison and Sweet Potato uber-delicious dry dog food – for way less than my parents pay when they have to schlep the 15 pound bag home on Dad’s back.

So, I placed an order, and TWO DAYS LATER the giant box arrived!  Holla!

Mom and Dad let me open the box myself, which was super cool.  Mr. Chewy threw in all of this awesome brown thrashing-around paper for free! (Jenn here – thank you, Mr. Chewy, for using pug-friendly packing materials!  There’s nothing worse than having to pull styrofoam peanuts from Sid’s iron jaw)

LOOK AT ALL OF THE TREATS I GOT:

The box in the background is Dad’s cereal.  Everyday I ask him to feed me some, and everyday he says no.  BUT WHO CARES?!?! LOOK AT ALL OF THOSE TREATS!  Didn’t I do an amazing job picking out tons of awesome yummy yum yums to eat?  If all of my pug friends out there were at Planet Cool Sid right now, I’d totally take ONE treat from each bag, place those four treats in a pile, and split that pile of treats amongst all of you.  I’m such a cool, generous guy.

Oh, and also in the box:

GIANT BAG! GIANT BAG! GIANT BAG OF FOOD!

Woo-hoo!!  I love Mr. Chewy! (Jenn here, again.  Um, yeah, Mr. Chewy’s prices and service were awesome.  Of course, we don’t have a car and we’re the type of people who order our groceries online, so, although this has resulted in a Coup de Pug here at Pug Slope – I mean, Planet Cool Sid – we’re totally on board with Mr. Chewy.  Back to Sid.)

Now, a word of advice from the ruler of Planet Cool Sid.  When welcoming a box full of new yummy yums into your house, it’s important that you make them feel welcome before you eat them.

Pose for stately portraits with them:

Listen to their problems:

And if you find yourself really smitten with one of your new friends, don’t hesitate to spend some time together staring off into the distance.

That’s all for now!  XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO, Sid!